Love Letters For The Lord

Witnessing suffering

2011-10-30T22:15:00.001+08:00

Dear Daddy,

I can't concentrate on my work.

The sight of a good friend's father on the ICU bed today is still haunting me. It was so sudden. Too sudden for all of us to take it. We have just met him last weekend after Mass, greeting us with his usual adorable smile. But today, a week later, we saw him lying unconscious on the hospital bed, depending on a machine to breathe.

Why, Lord? Why did You allow me to witness so much suffering and death this year? One after another. From people I barely know to people I know very well.

Don't You know that I'm really bad at comforting others? Particularly today I was totally heart broken when I saw my friend's father.

Dear Daddy, I'm not afraid of death. I'm just afraid to see people I know and love die. I know one day I would have to face it -- witnessing the passing of my loved ones, but I'm not sure if I would be ready then or how strong I could be to handle the situation. Would I collapse? Or would I be able to take it calmly?

The person whom I'm most concerned right now is my father. He lied to me that he has quit smoking. You know that his health is deteriorating as he age. No matter how hard I try he still refuses to listen. I'm angry and sad. Not that he lied to me, but because he is self-destructing.

Why, Lord? Why can't people take their own health seriously? It is Your gift to us, and every human being has the responsibility to take good care of themselves. Without a healthy body and a sound mind, how can we be Your good servants?

Please Lord, please restore the health of my friend's father. Please also keep my father always healthy. This is my prayer for the week.

Pick me up again...

2009-01-23T16:53:00.000+08:00

My Lord, I fail again. Fail to prove my love for You. Fail to show others that You are the only Person I’ll ever needed. Fail to please You. Fail my promise to be a good friend. Fail in loving others.

Am I a total failure?

Maybe in Your eyes, I am not. But in my eyes, I am truly a disappointment, a failure, a good-for-nothing and an unimpressive girl. Perhaps, in the eyes of others, I’m worst than all these – merely a speck of dust whose existence is unimportant.

My Lord, all I want in life is a life with You. To experience You to the fullest. To stay close to You every second of everyday. Because I really love You, and there is nothing else that I desire besides having You right by my side.

You know my heart through and through. Yes, sometimes I may dream of being in the arms of someone, but Lord, I so much hope that that someone would be You and no other! No one could ever satisfy my every need but You. No one could understand me like You do. No one could ever take Your place. And You know that I learn to love others because I loved You.

My life totally evolves around You ever since the day You took my heart away.
Lord, do You know that it hurts me when people are trying to separate You from me? They told me that it is impossible for me to love You alone. They told me that the best thing I should do is to move on, find a guy and settle down. They told me that it’s a silly idea to think about giving my life to You. They also said that I am just having too many fantasies that are unrealistic and that would never come true. Are they right?

Dear Lord, please teach me how to stay faithful to You, as You are faithful to me. Teach me how to see You in everyone I meet. Teach me how to love like You love. Teach me to be patient and merciful like You are. Teach me to be more like You. Because I am hopeless without You. Lord, no matter what other people may say about me, be it good or bad, teach me to trust in Your love for me that has never died.

Please stay with me Lord, and never let me go. Ever. Please promise me, dear Lord, that You will never let me go, come what may.

Being wanted...

2008-12-04T17:31:00.003+08:00

I’m not supposed to write anything right now at this hour at work, but I couldn’t help it, Father. You know everything that has happened. But Father, if I don’t get this expressed on paper, I may forget all about it within a short time.

My colleagues and I were exchanging emails and we were discussing the barbeque that we’ve planned to celebrate Christmas together, although not all of them are Christians. Unfortunately, the time they proposed to go to the beach clashed with my time to meet my Spiritual Director. I was determined to see my Spiritual Director as I don’t get to see her often. If I miss this chance, I don’t know when is the next time she’s available and able to travel down to town again. So I asked them to go ahead with their plan without me; I didn’t want to spoil their plan.
Later, when I met two of them face to face separately, they were both quite upset. “But it’s not fun without you!” Both of them said the same thing to me although they are seated far away from each other.

I was deeply touched. Perhaps, for the first time, I felt that I am wanted and treasured. Yes, first time, indeed. I’ve never felt wanted before, not even when I’m with the youths! I’ve never complained about it as I knew that Your companionship is more satisfying and cannot be replaced. But Lord, this feeling of being wanted by others is so overwhelming! For once I understood how it feels to be an important person to someone else. And I thank You Lord for this precious experience.

This must be the reason You told us to be kind to everyone. To make others feel that they are wanted; to give them a sense of belonging; to allow You to make use of us to radiate Your love and care, showing them who You, the Lord of Mercy and Compassion really are.
Thank You, Father, for the love You have shown me. I love You too!

To belong

2007-08-19T23:13:00.000+08:00

Father dear,

I thank You for bringing me home safe and sound. I thank You too, for the fellowship I've enjoyed with my Christian colleagues.

Lord, one question from me... which group of friends do I belong to?

I felt rather disappointed when they laughed at me for revealing to the instructors that I am a SCUBA diver. They said, it was funny because I had problem using the EBS, which is quite similar to that of SCUBA.

Father, why can't they be more understanding? Why can't they see the fear I had? Instead of making fun of me, why can't they kindly ask for my problems? It was not just a total humiliation, it further causes me to hate speaking.

Father, can I just stay quiet all the time? I don't feel there's any necessity to speak, since no one is willing to listen. And besides, I think I only talk about craps most of the time, so what is point for me to speak? You see, even my own dad refuse to listen to my explanation on the purgatory and end times. He said I was wrong on both, but how can I be wrong when all these teachings come from the Pope?

Father, I don't know. I want to make up my mind to stop being so talkative. What do you think? I'm never a good speaker, so maybe You might spare me from having to talk in front of an audience.

Thanks for listening to me, my Lord, please protect me tonight as I take a rest. Thank You!!

Fortelling futures...

2007-07-19T23:08:00.000+08:00

Father dear,

What would you do, if you see your children believing in fortune telling? You must be very disappointed, am I right?

I remember the Old Testament, when your people made calf and idols out of gold, your anger was so great! Fortune-telling and idol-worship... I believe they are the same -- believing in fortune-telling would simply mean that we lose hope in you, and we no longer need your divine providence.

I was listening to a Catholic talking about how accurate this fortune teller can tell about the future and about someone's fate. Lord, you know how uncomfortable I was... a question popped up in my heart: "How can someone who declares himself/herself as a Child of the Lord believe and even promote fortune telling? Isn't he/she showing that you, the Almighty God, the Alpha and Omega, the First and the Last, is unable to take care of whatever that is to come in the future?"

Why would people go for fortune-telling, when the real fun and excitement of life comes from the mysterious and unknown future, and the hope of a great encounter and adventure that one will be going through with the King of Kings?

Perhaps, they desperately need an answer? And yet you didn't give them... yet? Whatever it is, my Lord, I pray that your people would realise that you are the only Person whom we can hang on to, both in joyful times and times of unmeasurable difficulties and pain.

I love you, Daddy!

Thoughts...

2007-04-18T22:03:00.000+08:00

Dearest Father,

I always say that I love You. Is that true? You know my heart better than I do. Do I love You because of what I've received from You? Or do I love You because You loved me?

Lord, You are everything I've ever needed. What can be more important than You? Search my heart and find that longing I've always have for You. Never will I let go of You.

Father, I think I have an unhealthy spirit. I have been very emotional lately... I would cry whenever I feel like it, I like to be left alone, I'm mostly dull and unhappy... Father, do something. Help me to keep healthy again. Because I love You.

I miss my time with you

2007-01-21T23:12:00.000+08:00

Father,

I guess I missed you. My prayer life has been in a mess ever since I've started to become busy... busy with everything.

Work. Youths. Choir. CHOICE friends. Online friends. But you were not in the list.

I have no time for contemplation; no time for blogging about You; no time for reading articles about you; no time to speak to others about you; no time to even stare at the Cross for a while and say "Good Morning, Lord", "I'm sorry Lord", and not even "Good night, Lord"!

Father, have I screwed my whole life? I felt that it has been so meaningless... life is so dry. I'm so sorry for letting you down again.

Would you be my saviour again?

Renew me, O Lord

2006-10-01T14:52:00.000+08:00

Father,

I feel kind of dry this week. The flame within me has started to disappear. Have I ignored You lately? Have I forgotten You? Or have I chose to leave You aside because I'm enjoying life at the moment?

Lord, send the fire of Your love into my heart again. I don't want to lose you. Before the little flame in my heart goes totally out, Lord, help me to burn brightly for You again. I feel so empty inside without Your love...

Please please please set me on fire again, my Beloved. Teach me to love You more than before...

I deserve this?

2006-09-23T06:21:00.000+08:00

Father,

I really wonder... what good have I done that I deserve all Your love - love at its fullest?

You have given me the best things in live - parents and relatives who care, faithful friends, a good job for a good learning experience, a good supervisor whom I've never dreamt of having, and endless fun during work... these, Lord, are Your blessings!

Words cannot express my deepest gratitude and love I have for You! But I hope my tears, my heart, my actions can prove my love for You...

Father, I pray that You continually immerse me in Your ocean of love. Only Your love can keep me alive in this world where evil lurks.

I also earnestly pray for my supervisor whom You have sent to teach and protect me during this field work... Lord, keep him and his family in Your love.

I love You Lord, with all my heart and soul...

Written at KinTown Hotel, Bintulu.

Measure love

2006-08-06T23:48:00.000+08:00

Father God,

I was wondering. Have I proven my love for You in the eyes of fellow human beings? Do I love You as much as I ought to? If a comparison can be made, is my love for you exceeds that of the "love" between my gay friend and his partner?

Lord, can love be measured?

According to my homosexual pal,

There are times you will feel that you will go crazy, all your brain cells are focusing on the same thing.

Lord, that is what have been happening to me everytime I started to remember You. When You began to fill every corner of my brain, I find myself dying to be where You are; I simply long for Your presence, Your touch, Your hugs, Your embrace, Your sweet and calming words... You're my everything.

Lord, is this what people call - being "in-love"? Does that also mean that I am in love with You?

My Sweetheart, my Lord and Saviour, my dearest Prince... we both know that the intimate relationship between two males is invalid. No matter how "loving" they are, their relationship is wrong in the context of Your Divine Law. If they can "love" each other that much, how much more can I love You! You, the Lord of the Universe, the Almighty God, the Alpha and the Omega, the Perfect Lover, is there any other love in this world that can be compared to the love You have poured on us... on me?

No other name but Yours, is the greatest of all the earth.
No other love, but Yours, can touch and melt a heart of stone, can heal a broken heart, can be so unconditional; it's Your love that makes my life whole again.

Father, teach me to love You like how You've loved me. Let me be crazily in love with You all the days of my life!

I love You~!

Anxiety struck

2006-07-29T20:37:00.000+08:00

Father,

Only today that I understood how it feels to be plagued by anxiety.

I slept at 5 a.m. in the morning. I woke up at 8.30 a.m. Less than 5 hours of sleep I usually have. Once I opened my eyes, problems started to afloat in my mind. There was no way for me to fall asleep again, like I always did.

Lord, what should I do? You let the truth laid bare. Ugly truth about people around me. About people I once trusted. People I once thought were not the ones who take others for granted. Sigh. I'm so lost. So lost. Lord, am I the cause for all these? What should I do now?

Have mercy on me, Lord. I know that I should not judge, but I just can't keep quiet. I just can't let doubts drift me away from You. Regarding my brother, I have not expected him to be so lapsed. He has wandered so so far away from you! He's just like any gangster I saw in the streets. His face is obviously covered by darkness; he looks really ugly and dark. Even my friend complained about his looks. Devilish face. Zombie-like. It is so obvious that he excluded you in his life.

Lord, I really don't know how to approach him. What should I do to let him come back to you again? I don't want to see him drifting away even further... I don't want to see him becoming the disciple of Satan.

Teach me your ways, my Lord, and protect me from any snares of the evil one. Mary my mother, please intercede for me, a poor sinner. Amen.

Why?

2006-07-29T03:34:00.000+08:00

Father,

I received two heavy blows from life today.

Firstly, a choir member who thought that I take things for granted and refused to listen to my explanation, and then concluded that I'm not trustworthy. It hurts me. So deeply.

Secondly, I accidentally saw the mobile phonebook of my brother, who's a lapsed Catholic; found out that my name in the phonebook is "Underwear" and my father's "Motherfucker". It feels like sprinkling salt onto a fresh wound.

Lord, what's wrong with people today? They become so heartless. So unreasonable. So violent. So inhuman. They are like stinking corpses, the walking dead.

Lord, have I ever been so inhuman in the past? If yes, please forgive me, I sincerely ask for your mercy! Lord, is there a way to change these people? Ahh, stupid question. Of course there is. Nothing is impossible for You!

Lord, I thank you for all these situations. They could have been worse! Take these, my Lord, my sufferings as an offering to You, as You unite them to Your own, for the atonement for my sins and those of the whole world.

I love You too.

Untimely.. but thanks!

2006-07-08T14:13:00.000+08:00

Father,

You should have sent me this message earlier. If You would let me know earlier, I would not feel so bad and discouraged. Now that I know it is Your will, I thank You Lord. And Father, forgive me for my lack of faith!

"But to keep me from being puffed up with pride because of the many wonderful things I saw, I was given a painful physical ailment, which acts as Satan's messenger to beat me and keep me from being proud. Three times I prayed to the Lord about this and asked him to take it away. But his answer was: 'My grace is all you need, for my power is greatest when you are weak.'" 2 Cor 12:7-8

Teach me

2006-06-10T14:42:00.000+08:00

Teach me, Lord, what I should do to show my friend that homosexual acts are wrong? Teach me, my Lord, how should I tell my friends that sex is sacred and it's only for married couples?

Teach me Your ways, Father. And keep always faithful to You.

I love You.

You raise me up...

2006-05-28T20:14:00.000+08:00

Dearest Lord, I've always wanted to dedicate this song for You... because it is true that You raised me up!

I love You, till forever meets no end!!!

I almost skrewed myself up...

2006-05-28T13:31:00.000+08:00

Hi Daddy,

You've seen and heard everything this morning after Communion, right? No no, I'm just not the type of person who likes to be seen weeping or crying when praying.

I just couldn't help it, Father. Perhaps, You feel the same way too? When you love someone so much but you cannot see him or be together with him, that longing will cause you to seek desperately for him; at times when you're so tired of seeking, you will feel so hopeless and dry that you want to give up... and that is the time when you'll cry, you just miss him so so very much, and how you wish you were in his arms that very moment.

Maybe you don't feel that way. You can see me, You can feel me, and You must have held me in Your arms before... but I didn't know when.

Father, I'll continue seeking You and Your Truth, so that my longing would be filled... by You alone.

You were there!

2006-05-23T21:25:00.000+08:00

Dearest Lord,

I'm dead sure You were there by my side when I lied down in pain on my bed. I know You and Blessed Mother were there. I somewhat could feel Your presence... Your healing hands wrapping around me... Your soft words near my ears... I felt so warm and comfortable even though I was so sick and in pain.

My Beloved Mother, I thank You for being there. And please thank Your Son for me too! You know how much I love the two of You. Thank You, Mom, for Your untiring love for me...

Jesus dear, can You stay by my cradle again tonight when I sleep? I want to dream about you tonight! I love You!!!

I love You Lord...

2006-05-13T15:41:00.000+08:00

我亲爱的主,

我应该怎么办？我很想很想祢。我已经深深地爱上祢，爱上一个我从来都没见过的祢。我不知道祢到底是不是真的存在。但就是有一股力量一直以来都不停地支持着我、有一股莫名的爱让我一直活下去。因此我深信祢是真的爱我、在乎我。祢并不是他们说的一种心灵的寄托。

我的心装满的都是祢。快乐或者悲伤，第一个想起的就是祢。
我唱的每一首歌都是为祢而唱。
我的日记写满的都是祢的名字。

我好希望可以见祢一面。一面我就满足了。我好想投入祢的怀抱、感觉祢的温暖。

主啊，如果祢今天还走在世界上那该有多好！

I'm dying!

2006-05-13T11:36:00.000+08:00

Father, please come to my aid immediately... these lab works are killing me! Please help me... You know that I trust in You alone...

Thank you Lord

2006-05-04T11:36:00.000+08:00

Father,

My presentation went well today. I'm satisfied with my performance! Thank You for being there... thank You for giving me strenght and hope.

I love You, Lord! More than words can say!

I fear.

2006-04-30T21:01:00.000+08:00

Father,

When I thought of the forth coming presentation on Wednesday, I couldn't help it but cried. I haven't been so afraid before. I've never felt that much insecurity and fear.

Father, I am scared. I am scared to stand in front. I am scared to talk in front. You know that I'm not good at talking. You know that I'm not good at all at expressing myself. No matter how well I've prepared for my past presentations, I could never be perfect. I could never shake that fear off. Never have I succeeded in shaking of the anxiety and fear... for 3 long years.

Father, can You let me see You tonight? In my sleep? Or perhaps You can send Your angel, or let me see my Guardian Angel. Do You mind to hold me in Your arms for a while? Just a few minutes. Or just a few seconds. I want to gather some strength and courage from You. I want to tell myself that even though my best friends are unable to comfort me, You will be my faithful Comforter and Friend all the time and always.

Father, what am I to do now? What should I do so that I fear no more? What should I do so that I can present well and am able to answer all the questions correctly on Wednesday?

Help me, Lord! I believe and trust in You alone!

I will sing

2006-04-28T22:51:00.000+08:00

Father,

I believe this song perfectly shows how I feel today, this week, lately... Sometimes I feel really lost, as if You're not there. But I know, my dearest Prince, that You will not let me go out of Your sight... because You love me!

Lord, You seem so far away;
A million miles or more it feels today;
Though I haven't lost my faith,
I must confess right now that it's hard for me to pray;
But I don't know what to say,
And I don't know where to start;
But as You give the grace,
With all that's in my heart

I will sing,
I will praise,
Even in my darkest hour,
Through the sorrow and the pain;
I will sing,
I will praise,
Lift my hands to honor You,
Because Your Word is true,
I will sing.

Lord, it's hard for me to see
All the thoughts and plans You have for me;
But I will put my trust in You,
Knowing that You died to set me free;
But I don't know what to say,
And I don't know where to start;
But as You give the grace,
With all that's in my heart

I will sing,
I will praise,
Even in my darkest hour,
Through the sorrow and the pain;
I will sing,
I will praise,
Lift my hands to honor You,
Because Your Word is true,
I will sing!

~ Words & Music by Don Moen

Just a thought

2006-04-28T11:17:00.000+08:00

Father,

I was pretty pissed off with the conversation I had with my housemate the other day.

He said, each and everyone of us human beings is following the ideals, and for those who don't they will be looked down. I didn't agree with him, and told him that not everyone is what he said to be. So he snapped back at me, telling me that if I were not one of them I would have become a nun today.

Becoming a nun is what I'm looking forward to! I was already angry.
Oh really? But you're not a nun now. That proves that you're following the ideals. He said.

I hate him, Lord! How could he think that every single person in this world is just like him?

I was wondering, is it possible for us to fight relativism with relativism?

I'm sorry Lord

2006-04-21T23:52:00.000+08:00

Lord, what have I done? I've hurt You so tremendously... It hurts me to know that You're hurt! Forgive me, Father, for going my own way... for ignoring Your call... for taking You for granted...

Father, I humbly and willingly receive any kind of punishment You'd like to give me... because I deserve being punished by You Father, for being so disobedient...

I promise You with my whole heart and soul, that never will I give way to the Evil one, never will I give a chance to them to take over my soul.

I love You, Lord.