Witnessing suffering

Dear Daddy,

I can't concentrate on my work.

The sight of a good friend's father on the ICU bed today is still haunting me. It was so sudden. Too sudden for all of us to take it. We have just met him last weekend after Mass, greeting us with his usual adorable smile. But today, a week later, we saw him lying unconscious on the hospital bed, depending on a machine to breathe.

Why, Lord? Why did You allow me to witness so much suffering and death this year? One after another. From people I barely know to people I know very well.

Don't You know that I'm really bad at comforting others? Particularly today I was totally heart broken when I saw my friend's father.

Dear Daddy, I'm not afraid of death. I'm just afraid to see people I know and love die. I know one day I would have to face it -- witnessing the passing of my loved ones, but I'm not sure if I would be ready then or how strong I could be to handle the situation. Would I collapse? Or would I be able to take it calmly?

The person whom I'm most concerned right now is my father. He lied to me that he has quit smoking. You know that his health is deteriorating as he age. No matter how hard I try he still refuses to listen. I'm angry and sad. Not that he lied to me, but because he is self-destructing.

Why, Lord? Why can't people take their own health seriously? It is Your gift to us, and every human being has the responsibility to take good care of themselves. Without a healthy body and a sound mind, how can we be Your good servants?

Please Lord, please restore the health of my friend's father. Please also keep my father always healthy. This is my prayer for the week.

Pick me up again...

My Lord, I fail again. Fail to prove my love for You. Fail to show others that You are the only Person I’ll ever needed. Fail to please You. Fail my promise to be a good friend. Fail in loving others.

Am I a total failure?

Maybe in Your eyes, I am not. But in my eyes, I am truly a disappointment, a failure, a good-for-nothing and an unimpressive girl. Perhaps, in the eyes of others, I’m worst than all these – merely a speck of dust whose existence is unimportant.

My Lord, all I want in life is a life with You. To experience You to the fullest. To stay close to You every second of everyday. Because I really love You, and there is nothing else that I desire besides having You right by my side.

You know my heart through and through. Yes, sometimes I may dream of being in the arms of someone, but Lord, I so much hope that that someone would be You and no other! No one could ever satisfy my every need but You. No one could understand me like You do. No one could ever take Your place. And You know that I learn to love others because I loved You.

My life totally evolves around You ever since the day You took my heart away.
Lord, do You know that it hurts me when people are trying to separate You from me? They told me that it is impossible for me to love You alone. They told me that the best thing I should do is to move on, find a guy and settle down. They told me that it’s a silly idea to think about giving my life to You. They also said that I am just having too many fantasies that are unrealistic and that would never come true. Are they right?

Dear Lord, please teach me how to stay faithful to You, as You are faithful to me. Teach me how to see You in everyone I meet. Teach me how to love like You love. Teach me to be patient and merciful like You are. Teach me to be more like You. Because I am hopeless without You. Lord, no matter what other people may say about me, be it good or bad, teach me to trust in Your love for me that has never died.

Please stay with me Lord, and never let me go. Ever. Please promise me, dear Lord, that You will never let me go, come what may.

Being wanted...

I’m not supposed to write anything right now at this hour at work, but I couldn’t help it, Father. You know everything that has happened. But Father, if I don’t get this expressed on paper, I may forget all about it within a short time.

My colleagues and I were exchanging emails and we were discussing the barbeque that we’ve planned to celebrate Christmas together, although not all of them are Christians. Unfortunately, the time they proposed to go to the beach clashed with my time to meet my Spiritual Director. I was determined to see my Spiritual Director as I don’t get to see her often. If I miss this chance, I don’t know when is the next time she’s available and able to travel down to town again. So I asked them to go ahead with their plan without me; I didn’t want to spoil their plan.
Later, when I met two of them face to face separately, they were both quite upset. “But it’s not fun without you!” Both of them said the same thing to me although they are seated far away from each other.

I was deeply touched. Perhaps, for the first time, I felt that I am wanted and treasured. Yes, first time, indeed. I’ve never felt wanted before, not even when I’m with the youths! I’ve never complained about it as I knew that Your companionship is more satisfying and cannot be replaced. But Lord, this feeling of being wanted by others is so overwhelming! For once I understood how it feels to be an important person to someone else. And I thank You Lord for this precious experience.

This must be the reason You told us to be kind to everyone. To make others feel that they are wanted; to give them a sense of belonging; to allow You to make use of us to radiate Your love and care, showing them who You, the Lord of Mercy and Compassion really are.
Thank You, Father, for the love You have shown me. I love You too!

To belong

Father dear,

I thank You for bringing me home safe and sound. I thank You too, for the fellowship I've enjoyed with my Christian colleagues.

Lord, one question from me... which group of friends do I belong to?

I felt rather disappointed when they laughed at me for revealing to the instructors that I am a SCUBA diver. They said, it was funny because I had problem using the EBS, which is quite similar to that of SCUBA.

Father, why can't they be more understanding? Why can't they see the fear I had? Instead of making fun of me, why can't they kindly ask for my problems? It was not just a total humiliation, it further causes me to hate speaking.

Father, can I just stay quiet all the time? I don't feel there's any necessity to speak, since no one is willing to listen. And besides, I think I only talk about craps most of the time, so what is point for me to speak? You see, even my own dad refuse to listen to my explanation on the purgatory and end times. He said I was wrong on both, but how can I be wrong when all these teachings come from the Pope?

Father, I don't know. I want to make up my mind to stop being so talkative. What do you think? I'm never a good speaker, so maybe You might spare me from having to talk in front of an audience.

Thanks for listening to me, my Lord, please protect me tonight as I take a rest. Thank You!!

Fortelling futures...

Father dear,

What would you do, if you see your children believing in fortune telling? You must be very disappointed, am I right?

I remember the Old Testament, when your people made calf and idols out of gold, your anger was so great! Fortune-telling and idol-worship... I believe they are the same -- believing in fortune-telling would simply mean that we lose hope in you, and we no longer need your divine providence.

I was listening to a Catholic talking about how accurate this fortune teller can tell about the future and about someone's fate. Lord, you know how uncomfortable I was... a question popped up in my heart: "How can someone who declares himself/herself as a Child of the Lord believe and even promote fortune telling? Isn't he/she showing that you, the Almighty God, the Alpha and Omega, the First and the Last, is unable to take care of whatever that is to come in the future?"

Why would people go for fortune-telling, when the real fun and excitement of life comes from the mysterious and unknown future, and the hope of a great encounter and adventure that one will be going through with the King of Kings?

Perhaps, they desperately need an answer? And yet you didn't give them... yet? Whatever it is, my Lord, I pray that your people would realise that you are the only Person whom we can hang on to, both in joyful times and times of unmeasurable difficulties and pain.

I love you, Daddy!